3 Ways to Set Boundaries in Professional Settings

It is essential to set boundaries in professional settings- it’s necessary for your success and mental well-being.  Too many times I’ve seen those who don’t have boundaries being taken advantage of by others, and unfortunately, I’ve experienced this myself.

Brene Brown said it best: “When we fail to set boundaries and hold people accountable, we feel used and mistreated.”

Why It’s Important to Set Boundaries

 A lack of boundaries can lead to the following:

1. Burnout.
2. Feeling underappreciated, taken for granted, or disrespected.
3. Passive aggressiveness.
4. Feeling annoyed or resentful.
5. Feeling patronized.
6. Procrastination and/or excuses for not completing tasks.
7. Receiving unwanted or unsolicited personal information.
8. Receiving unwanted or unsolicited personal touch or disrespectful body language.
9. Being kept in conversations longer than necessary or wanted.
10. Being the root of gossip.

Coincidentally, having healthy personal boundaries and enforcing them when people start “testing” them, can have a myriad of positive effects.  In fact, it can help establish a connection among clients, colleagues, or other peers!  Some positive side effects include:

1. Feeling and being respected by others.
2. Improved communication and understanding between other professionals.
3. Expectations are managed which leads to neutrality instead of hostility.
4. Creates a safe space for others to speak up, share ideas and suggest creative solutions without fear of being lambasted or ridiculed.

The adage goes that setting boundaries creates good neighbors, and this is true on the professional front as well.  And it doesn’t only include saying, “No.”  

Personal Story

I remember working for an organization a few years ago.  I was wide-eyed, bushy-tailed, and hungry to move up in the business.  Though I knew what boundaries were, however, I did not enforce them correctly.

I worked with a gentleman who expressed some amount of interest in me.  I was courteous and professional enough to respectfully decline any advances he made toward me.  But the advances didn’t stop. In fact, what started out small turned sexual in nature.  It started with a comment here or there, and when I would tell him to not talk to me like that, he made an excuse and turned it into me being too uptight or a prude.

“We’re friends,” he would say.  “Don’t make such a big deal out of it.”  Little did I know, I was being gaslighted and my boundaries were being cast aside.  As time went on, it snowballed into me being followed home by him and eventually, a full-on sexual assault in public. 

Naturally, I stopped working with him.  But the damage had been done.  The good thing that came about from it was learning hard and fast the significance of boundaries, and then passing this knowledge down to my daughter.

Nowadays, if anyone jokes about me being too uptight, or tries to convince me my “no” is unreasonable, I walk away.  I have to!  In fact, I’ve had people attend my events, walk up to me and say, “You have a giant stick up your ass.”  My rebuttal is a lack of one:  I said to this person, “You’re absolutely right – and I’ll always have it there!”

3 Ways to Set Boundaries Professionally

1. Express clearly and concisely your time frames.

I like to entertain clients and friends.  But I also like to clearly state when the party is over.  Most of the time, I tell people before they come over that I am “kicking everyone out at 9:00 pm.”  Those who know me, laugh when I tell them, but also know that I mean it.  When 9:00 does roll around, I have no shame telling everyone that it’s time to go!

The same goes for my events!  The business mixer goes from 5:30 pm to 8:00 pm.  By 7:50 pm I am packing up everything.  There have been some people in the past who want to stay and mingle, and that is fine, but I’m going home to my family.

Lastly, if I am scheduling a call with someone, I let them know that it is 15 minutes long, and what it is we will be covering.  This is so I can also respect their time as well!

• Express the standards of behavior you allow and don’t allow.

Part of my career is throwing professional events, and there has been a couple of times when a man or woman has come up to me at one of my business mixers to ask who was single in the room.  I have had to gently remind them that this is a business mixer, not a dating mixer, and if they don’t like it, they need to leave. 

I understand that oftentimes professionals want to meet and date other professionals, and that’s not to say people haven’t met each other at one of my events and eventually started dating.  It’s the intention behind showing up to the event that I am more interested in.

I’ve also had incidents where I’ve met someone at a professional event, we set up coffee for a one-to-one meeting, and they want to know all about my personal life.  I have no issue letting them know that this is a professional meeting, and I am on company time. 

• Manage others’ expectations.

I like people to know what to expect, whether it’s from me, one of my events, or my organization.  I record videos, write articles, and set face-to-face meetings with people and tell them directly.  I am not forceful with it – in most cases, we have a great time!  But when I feel something is turning south, that is normally the time I speak up and say something.

In conclusion, setting boundaries helps you maintain a healthy state of mind while allowing others to operate freely within the parameters you set.  This creates a good culture and helps bolster cooperation between professional peers!

What To Do When Someone Disrespects Your Boundaries

There are several ways to stop someone from disrespecting your boundaries.  But before we go there, understand initially that it could be innocent.  They may not have heard or understood your needs and expectations initially, and may be willing and ready to respect them once they know your rules of the game!

I do my best to give people the benefit of the doubt.  Sometimes someone doesn’t know your boundaries, and it is your job to inform them.  It’s not up to them to guess or figure it out.  Be clear and concise! 

Naturally, if they have

1. Been informed of your boundaries,
2. Understand them (by means of repeating them back to you, etc)
3. And still, choose not to follow them,

it may be time to walk away!  I leave a big door to let people into my life, and I leave a bigger door to let them out. 

Chances are if someone is disrespecting your boundaries repeatedly, it may not stop.  And giving them chances over and over again, as I did with an old colleague, will end up causing you mental and emotional stress.  My advice would be to get away from them as fast as possible!

About We&Co and The We&Co Huddles

We&Co is a professional co-oping & professional networking business that was founded in Springfield, Missouri in 2020.  While there are many professional networking groups in and around the United States, We&Co focuses on creating small industry-specific groups with five to ten professionals who all have the same target audience but offer different products and services.

In essence, professionals come to us when they want to save time while making more money.  These industry-specific groups are essential pods of professionals surrounded by their ideal referral partners.

These small groups of referral partners (called “Huddles) meet up twice a month for an hour and talk strategy on how to become that one-stop-shop for their clients.  If you are a professional who is interested in joining or launching your own We&Co co-op (or “Huddle” as we like to call them), start a free trial here (no credit card needed), and a representative will get back to you shortly.